Mind

Now, as I sit here in bed I rationally find my brain revisiting today's encounter with R. And, as crazy as it seems I find my brain going over and over everything that was said in order to find a little something to hold on to. At the same time, I find another side of me realizing it and fighting it.
Seren Dipity, the reality is there is nothing to hold on to. Stop being stubborn. Accept it - R. doesn't love you. And you don't love him anymore. He was attracted to you. He was in a very confused time-frame in his life and unintentionally hurt you. But you played a part in this too. It was a 50/50 game. You choose to hold on to tiny little things, to crumbs. To things that you decided to interpret as something more than it really was. You made yourself fall in love with him. You know it. And now that you know it, please learn from it. Stop wanting to make this insanely movie scene type of love story. It partially was, but that's it!
It's ok to accept that you loved him. You saw lots of things you are still looking for in a man. He could have been "the one". You know it, but this love journey is a 2 way street. You were willing to do one thousand things. But it was you... and just because you see it, it doesn't mean others do too. Learn from your mistakes, please. For your own good. Move on. Move forward. Live your next adventure with all your heart. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. But please, don't let your mind trick you. Not again.