Showing posts with label Your Messages. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Your Messages. Show all posts
Wednesday, 13 April 2016
My heart
My heart still bleeds a little when I think about you. Less and less each day. But it still is an open wound. I admit it.
Sunday, 13 March 2016
Mind
Now, as I sit here in bed I rationally find my brain revisiting today's encounter with R. And, as crazy as it seems I find my brain going over and over everything that was said in order to find a little something to hold on to. At the same time, I find another side of me realizing it and fighting it.
Seren Dipity, the reality is there is nothing to hold on to. Stop being stubborn. Accept it - R. doesn't love you. And you don't love him anymore. He was attracted to you. He was in a very confused time-frame in his life and unintentionally hurt you. But you played a part in this too. It was a 50/50 game. You choose to hold on to tiny little things, to crumbs. To things that you decided to interpret as something more than it really was. You made yourself fall in love with him. You know it. And now that you know it, please learn from it. Stop wanting to make this insanely movie scene type of love story. It partially was, but that's it!
It's ok to accept that you loved him. You saw lots of things you are still looking for in a man. He could have been "the one". You know it, but this love journey is a 2 way street. You were willing to do one thousand things. But it was you... and just because you see it, it doesn't mean others do too. Learn from your mistakes, please. For your own good. Move on. Move forward. Live your next adventure with all your heart. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. But please, don't let your mind trick you. Not again.
Seren Dipity, the reality is there is nothing to hold on to. Stop being stubborn. Accept it - R. doesn't love you. And you don't love him anymore. He was attracted to you. He was in a very confused time-frame in his life and unintentionally hurt you. But you played a part in this too. It was a 50/50 game. You choose to hold on to tiny little things, to crumbs. To things that you decided to interpret as something more than it really was. You made yourself fall in love with him. You know it. And now that you know it, please learn from it. Stop wanting to make this insanely movie scene type of love story. It partially was, but that's it!
It's ok to accept that you loved him. You saw lots of things you are still looking for in a man. He could have been "the one". You know it, but this love journey is a 2 way street. You were willing to do one thousand things. But it was you... and just because you see it, it doesn't mean others do too. Learn from your mistakes, please. For your own good. Move on. Move forward. Live your next adventure with all your heart. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. But please, don't let your mind trick you. Not again.
London Town
Estou em Londres. Dei o salto.
Ja ca estou a uma semana com a minha familia. Fora de Londres... Tem-me custado recuperar do jet-lag.
Hoje fui finalmente ate ao centro de Londre. Apanhei o comboio ate Euston station. Depois dali fui a pe ate Camden Town, depois China Town, Trafalgar Square, Tio (Big) Ben, London Eye... as tantas dou por mim perto da Blackfriars Bridge... that becomes Farringdon Street - a rua dele. Pensei um pouco. E o que tinha eu a perder... Tirei uma foto da porte e enviei-lhe uma mensagem:
Nao sei bem explicar como, num instate o calor passou e baixou em mim uma serenidade incrivel. Uma calma. Uma seguranca.
Ele tinha acabado de chegar ao quartel de Londres, de um treino militar de 3 semanas e estava a caminho de casa. Pergunta-me se quero beber um cafe, ao que respondo: Porque nao? Marca o lugar. Avisa que acabou de chegar do treino, ainda tem a mala e nao tomou banho - as a warning!
Nao ligo. Entro no starbucks, retoco a maquiagem. Respiro fundo. Ponho a morada no google maps e la vou eu.
Ele chega primeio e envia-me uma mensagem. Nao respondo. Continuo a andar. Viro a direita, como me manda o GPS. Continua a andar. Esta um dia solarengo e frio em Londres. O raio da cidade e humida. Sente-se o frio nos ossos. Entretanto esta alguem a andar atras de mim. Depois ao meu lado. Era ele:
- Hey! Gees, you scared me.
Nao me lembro do que ele me disse. Dou-lhe um abraco e pergunto como esta. Estou calma. Nao sinto nada. Tenho os oculos de sol postos. Parece-me mais baixo e sem brilho. Perdeu imenso peso. O sorriso continua o mesmo. Os olhos tambem. O cabelo loiro, loiro. Curtinho como eu gosto.
Falamos de coisas triviais. Da vida. Do que estou a fazer em Londres. Conto-lhe um pouco da mnh aventura. A pastelaria onde iamos estava fechada. Continuamos a andar. Lado-a-lado a procura de um outro sitio para nos sentarmos. Ele esta meio perdido. Nao sabe bem onde ir. Acabamos sentados numa esplanada ca fora. Eu com uma cerveja de chocolate e ele com uma outra qualquer. Ficamos ali sentados a conversa ate o sol se ir embora. Ja acabou o curso. Conseguir subir no trabalho a full-time e no militar tambem. As coisas correm-lhe bem e anda a ver apartamentos para comprar em Londres. No centro (haja dinheiro). Nao falamos nada de nos. Nao vale apena. Tudo o que achava que tinha para lhe dizer perdeu o sentido. O coracao nao bateu forte. As pernas nao tremeram. Uma calma. Uma paz. Como se fossemos 2 amigos/conhecidos de longa data que se encontraram para tomar uma cerveja.
Quando acabamos a cerveja fui com ele comprar comida. Teve 3 semans de treino intenso e a ultima refeicao de jeito comeu na 3f passada.
Deixou-me na estacao no caminho para casa. Ajudou-me a comprar o bilhete e a encaminhar-me para a estacao certa. Dei-lhe um beijo na cara e um abraco. Agradeceu-me por o ter contactado e por nos termos encontrados. Eu disse-lhe: Keep in touch. Ele ainda ficou la a olhar para mim a ir-me embora. Eu nem olhei para tras. Agora enquanto vos escrevo isto da-me um pouco vontade de chorar. E nao sei bem porque. Porque nao deu? Porque (muito provavelmente) ele passou a historia? Nao sei. Nao sei o que ele sentiu quando me viu. Se me achou feia, gorda, magra, estupida, sem graca. La corrigiu a forma como pronuncio Watford. Disse-lhe que nao sou british e que nao falou c boquinha de cereja. O meu ingles e Canadiano. Azar.
Ele sabe que eu nao como grande coisa. Quando estavamos na esplanada perguntou-me se gosto de Kit Kat. Eu disse que sim. Tirou um Kit Kat e uns outros "treats" da mala. Eu fui logo ao chocolate e diz-me: nem olhaste para os outros. Sao bolachas e bolinhos mais saudaveis ao que respondi - you asked if I wanted Kit Kat. I said yes. I know what I want and I go for it. I don't have time or patience for grey. For me it's either black or white. (Acho que percebeu a mensagem).
E pronto. Assim foi o meu dia em Londres. Nao sei muito bem o que pensar mais disto... Vou dormir. Amanha sera outro dia.
Ja ca estou a uma semana com a minha familia. Fora de Londres... Tem-me custado recuperar do jet-lag.
Hoje fui finalmente ate ao centro de Londre. Apanhei o comboio ate Euston station. Depois dali fui a pe ate Camden Town, depois China Town, Trafalgar Square, Tio (Big) Ben, London Eye... as tantas dou por mim perto da Blackfriars Bridge... that becomes Farringdon Street - a rua dele. Pensei um pouco. E o que tinha eu a perder... Tirei uma foto da porte e enviei-lhe uma mensagem:
Continuei a andar. Atravessei a ponte sem saber bem o que pensar ou o q fazer. Uma serenidade estranha apoderou-se de mim.
Sei que ha un Starbucks com internet gratis depois da ponte. Sentei-me ca fora a apanar um pouco de sol e a ver o transito fernetico de Londres.
Dez minutos depois o telemovel vibra. Ele respondeu. Num instante ficou um calor infernal na rua (Nota:estavam 6 graus!. Estava toda a transpirar. Fecho os olhos, respiro fundo e leio as resposta dele e respondo.
Nao sei bem explicar como, num instate o calor passou e baixou em mim uma serenidade incrivel. Uma calma. Uma seguranca.
Ele tinha acabado de chegar ao quartel de Londres, de um treino militar de 3 semanas e estava a caminho de casa. Pergunta-me se quero beber um cafe, ao que respondo: Porque nao? Marca o lugar. Avisa que acabou de chegar do treino, ainda tem a mala e nao tomou banho - as a warning!
Nao ligo. Entro no starbucks, retoco a maquiagem. Respiro fundo. Ponho a morada no google maps e la vou eu.
Ele chega primeio e envia-me uma mensagem. Nao respondo. Continuo a andar. Viro a direita, como me manda o GPS. Continua a andar. Esta um dia solarengo e frio em Londres. O raio da cidade e humida. Sente-se o frio nos ossos. Entretanto esta alguem a andar atras de mim. Depois ao meu lado. Era ele:
- Hey! Gees, you scared me.
Nao me lembro do que ele me disse. Dou-lhe um abraco e pergunto como esta. Estou calma. Nao sinto nada. Tenho os oculos de sol postos. Parece-me mais baixo e sem brilho. Perdeu imenso peso. O sorriso continua o mesmo. Os olhos tambem. O cabelo loiro, loiro. Curtinho como eu gosto.
Falamos de coisas triviais. Da vida. Do que estou a fazer em Londres. Conto-lhe um pouco da mnh aventura. A pastelaria onde iamos estava fechada. Continuamos a andar. Lado-a-lado a procura de um outro sitio para nos sentarmos. Ele esta meio perdido. Nao sabe bem onde ir. Acabamos sentados numa esplanada ca fora. Eu com uma cerveja de chocolate e ele com uma outra qualquer. Ficamos ali sentados a conversa ate o sol se ir embora. Ja acabou o curso. Conseguir subir no trabalho a full-time e no militar tambem. As coisas correm-lhe bem e anda a ver apartamentos para comprar em Londres. No centro (haja dinheiro). Nao falamos nada de nos. Nao vale apena. Tudo o que achava que tinha para lhe dizer perdeu o sentido. O coracao nao bateu forte. As pernas nao tremeram. Uma calma. Uma paz. Como se fossemos 2 amigos/conhecidos de longa data que se encontraram para tomar uma cerveja.
Quando acabamos a cerveja fui com ele comprar comida. Teve 3 semans de treino intenso e a ultima refeicao de jeito comeu na 3f passada.
Deixou-me na estacao no caminho para casa. Ajudou-me a comprar o bilhete e a encaminhar-me para a estacao certa. Dei-lhe um beijo na cara e um abraco. Agradeceu-me por o ter contactado e por nos termos encontrados. Eu disse-lhe: Keep in touch. Ele ainda ficou la a olhar para mim a ir-me embora. Eu nem olhei para tras. Agora enquanto vos escrevo isto da-me um pouco vontade de chorar. E nao sei bem porque. Porque nao deu? Porque (muito provavelmente) ele passou a historia? Nao sei. Nao sei o que ele sentiu quando me viu. Se me achou feia, gorda, magra, estupida, sem graca. La corrigiu a forma como pronuncio Watford. Disse-lhe que nao sou british e que nao falou c boquinha de cereja. O meu ingles e Canadiano. Azar.
Ele sabe que eu nao como grande coisa. Quando estavamos na esplanada perguntou-me se gosto de Kit Kat. Eu disse que sim. Tirou um Kit Kat e uns outros "treats" da mala. Eu fui logo ao chocolate e diz-me: nem olhaste para os outros. Sao bolachas e bolinhos mais saudaveis ao que respondi - you asked if I wanted Kit Kat. I said yes. I know what I want and I go for it. I don't have time or patience for grey. For me it's either black or white. (Acho que percebeu a mensagem).
E pronto. Assim foi o meu dia em Londres. Nao sei muito bem o que pensar mais disto... Vou dormir. Amanha sera outro dia.
Monday, 11 January 2016
Palavras
A Ursa escreveu um texto sobre o David Bowie e umas quantas palavras fizeram-me lembrar de ti:
"(...) um inconformismo britanicamente elegante, uma desobediência de gentleman, uma raiva expressacom inteligência emocional (uma raiva com outra coisa qualquer menos isto) , um
desequilíbrio equilibrado.
"(...) um inconformismo britanicamente elegante, uma desobediência de gentleman, uma raiva expressa
Monday, 4 January 2016
Thursday, 31 December 2015
Do Natal
O melhor presente!
Enquanto lia a mensagem, até as mãos me tremiam. Quase nem
conseguir responder. Porque o coração é que escolhe, e não há nada a fazer.
Wednesday, 16 December 2015
fio invisível
“Podias ter-me dito que ias sair da
minha vida. A paixão é mesmo isto, nunca sabemos quando acaba ou se
transforma em amor, e eu sabia que a tua paixão não iria resistir à
erosão do tempo, ao frio dos dias, ao vazio da cama, ao silêncio da
distância. Há um tempo para acreditar, um tempo para viver e um tempo
para desistir, e nós tivemos muita sorte porque vivemos todos esses
tempos no modo certo. Podias ter-me dito que querias conjugar o verbo
desistir. Demorei muito tempo a aceitar que, às vezes, desistir é o
mesmo que vencer, sem travar batalhas. Antigamente pensava que não, que
quem desiste perde sempre, que a subtracção é a arma mais cobarde dos
amantes, e o silêncio a forma mais injusta de deixar fenecer os sonhos.
Mas a vida ensinou-me o contrário. Hoje sei que desistir é apenas um
caminho possível, às vezes o único que os homens conhecem. Contigo
aprendi que o amor é uma força misteriosa e divina. Sei que também
aprendeste muito comigo, mais do que imaginas e do que agora consegues
alcançar. Só o tempo te vai dar tudo o que de mim guardaste, esse tempo
que é uma caixa que se abre ao contrário: de um lado estás tu, e do
outro estou eu, a ver-te sem te poder tocar, a abraçar-te todas as
noites antes de adormeceres e a cada manhã ao acordares. Não sei quando
te voltarei a ver ou a ter notícias tuas, mas sabes uma coisa? Já não me
importo, porque guardei-te no meu coração antes de partires. Numa noite
perfeita entre tantas outras, liguei o meu coração ao teu com um fio
invisível e troquei uma parte da tua alma com a minha, enquanto
dormias.”
Margarida Rebelo Pinto
Monday, 14 December 2015
The Sexiest Thing About Each Zodiac Sign
Yes, I like to read Elite from time to time.
Some posts are not that great, others quite good.
I came across this post and decided to share because (at least for me) it was quite on the mark.
I was born on June 21st - hence, I am a mix between Gemini and Cancer - 70% Gemini, 20% Cancer.
Their flighty nature makes them elusive and desirable. But they might leave without warning, and you’ll soon realize all their tales are simply evidence of a fabulous and fleeting life. There’s always that looming thought that you may soon just be another story to them.
The Cancer’s free-spirited nature doesn’t come without a cost: their indecisiveness. A Cancer is as hard to let go as he or she is to love. You can’t help but crave the consistent inconsistencies that live inside people born under Cancer. There’s a reason that Tom Cruise is their leader.
Perfect description of some of my personality traits.
For him, OMG! Also on the spot. Out time in London and Portugal - unbelievable and hard to describe. Our time in Canada - sweet and sour, hard to explain, painful, happy. I don't even know.
Like most people with a dark side, they pull you in with their alluring force (I gost sucked in instantaneously) and create a tornado of emotions and drama. This can be addictive for a while, but you may find yourself scared of the very person you love. (One of the things I told him - You intimidate me).
I just could go on and on and on about a dozen of other things. But, let's leave it here.
Check out out Zodiac Sexiest things here.
Some posts are not that great, others quite good.
I came across this post and decided to share because (at least for me) it was quite on the mark.
I was born on June 21st - hence, I am a mix between Gemini and Cancer - 70% Gemini, 20% Cancer.
Gemini: Their wisdom
(May 21 – June 20)
If you want some tongue action, seek out a Gemini. You’ll love to hear a Gemini speak. You’ll crave and devour the stories of people born under Gemini. Be careful, however: For all their charm, they do tend to have sharp tongues. But they will apologize as soon as they realize you’re hurt.Their flighty nature makes them elusive and desirable. But they might leave without warning, and you’ll soon realize all their tales are simply evidence of a fabulous and fleeting life. There’s always that looming thought that you may soon just be another story to them.
Cancer: Their unpredictability
(June 20 – July 22)
A Cancer is best described as “predictably unpredictable.” You never know what you’re going to get. People born under Cancer jump the line between independent and clingy, soft and hard, detached and wildly emotional. You might jump into a relationship with a Cancer because you’re attracted to the wildness of it.The Cancer’s free-spirited nature doesn’t come without a cost: their indecisiveness. A Cancer is as hard to let go as he or she is to love. You can’t help but crave the consistent inconsistencies that live inside people born under Cancer. There’s a reason that Tom Cruise is their leader.
Perfect description of some of my personality traits.
For him, OMG! Also on the spot. Out time in London and Portugal - unbelievable and hard to describe. Our time in Canada - sweet and sour, hard to explain, painful, happy. I don't even know.
Scorpio: Their dark mysteriousness
(October 23 – November 21)
People born under Scorpio can be dark. (I kept calling him dark - and he loved it). They can burn you faster than they can charm you. (So very true, I was emotional burnt as soon as I picked him up at the airport - was so cold.) They are perfect for people who seek complicated relationships full of ups and downs. Living their life of extremes is tempting because when it’s good, it’s really f*cking good.(Holly shit - how true is this and how much I miss it)Like most people with a dark side, they pull you in with their alluring force (I gost sucked in instantaneously) and create a tornado of emotions and drama. This can be addictive for a while, but you may find yourself scared of the very person you love. (One of the things I told him - You intimidate me).
I just could go on and on and on about a dozen of other things. But, let's leave it here.
Check out out Zodiac Sexiest things here.
Friday, 11 December 2015
Descobertas...
Ontem deu-me na telha e apaguei a minha conta do FB.
Mas pronto, como sou rata tenho uma conta backup para as minhas "investigacoes". Sim, que eu nao sou stalker, so investido, ta?
Hoje vou a minha conta backup naquela de.... pronto, olhar so pra foto dele e ver quem sao as suas novas amigas. Pimba, o Teddy tambem apagou a sua conta do FB. Paniquei logo, ai, bloqueou-me. Ai, enviei um convite de amizade sem querer, querem ver? Ai! Ai! Ai! Depois despaniquei... Mas entretanto, lembrei-me vai na volta o gajo acabou o curso do Militar e vai ser colocado em algum desses paises da porra em guerra. Ai! Ai! Ai! Que dor no coracao. Voltei a panicar.
Mas pronto, respirei fundo e voltei a despanicar... nao ha nada que eu possa fazer... Ele tem o meu numero de telefone, Se me quiser contactar, he knows where to find me. A saudade e imensa. But, when you walk away and they don't walk after you, keep walking girl. Keep walking.
(Nao tive paciencia para colocar os acentos).
Mas pronto, como sou rata tenho uma conta backup para as minhas "investigacoes". Sim, que eu nao sou stalker, so investido, ta?
Hoje vou a minha conta backup naquela de.... pronto, olhar so pra foto dele e ver quem sao as suas novas amigas. Pimba, o Teddy tambem apagou a sua conta do FB. Paniquei logo, ai, bloqueou-me. Ai, enviei um convite de amizade sem querer, querem ver? Ai! Ai! Ai! Depois despaniquei... Mas entretanto, lembrei-me vai na volta o gajo acabou o curso do Militar e vai ser colocado em algum desses paises da porra em guerra. Ai! Ai! Ai! Que dor no coracao. Voltei a panicar.
Mas pronto, respirei fundo e voltei a despanicar... nao ha nada que eu possa fazer... Ele tem o meu numero de telefone, Se me quiser contactar, he knows where to find me. A saudade e imensa. But, when you walk away and they don't walk after you, keep walking girl. Keep walking.
(Nao tive paciencia para colocar os acentos).
Thursday, 10 December 2015
A state of mind.
Today I realized that we need to be under a specific mind
state for certain things to happen in our lives. Specially Love. It is
something very hard to explain, to put in words…
Basically, we need to subconsciously emanate a very clean golden
bright light from our heart, our mind and our soul.
To find love, we must get rid of that weight that we have
been carrying in our back. That pain, and suffering. We need to be bright and
open. We need to be free. We need to be clean. You know when you take a deep
breath, and you feel something heavy in your stomach? Like a heavy and grey
ball stuck there? Exactly the opposite of that. I am not saying that to find
what you are looking for you must get rid of all your problems… but you must to
at least make peace with something within you that will allow you to transform
you. That will allow you to emanate that golden light.
That was exactly how I felt in the summer of 2014 when I met
him – yes it did not work, it’s true. But I was clean. For the longest time I
had felt like I had gotten rid of all the unfinished business that I carried
with me over the past 15 years: The uncertainty regarding my love for I. He
came back to my life late 2013, and then I realized I was done with it. I didn’t
love him anymore. I accepted the rejection from the police officer. I made
peace with the fact that the problems I had with my current manager where
mostly a projection of her fears and her self-esteem… and a couple of other
things that I don’t feel like writing about.
My previous roommate, L when to Burning Man this past
summer. The playa allowed her to forgive herself in regards to her relationship
and guilt with her late mother and father. Even though I don’t fully agree with
how she views herself towards this, the way she looked at it and made her look
at herself in a more accepting and forgiving way allowed her to leave that
heavy wait in playa. Allowed her to reconnect with herself and open her heart,
to the point where she now found love and it’s very happy.
For me, I still hurt about my story with “Ursinho”. I still
feel a crazy mix of feelings, guilt, pain that doesn’t allow me to see what I
need to see to move forward and be clean. Deep inside I feel that I really want
to talk to him to release all of the pain inside me. That will allow me to move
forwards. Although, I am still struggling about how to do it. Do I send him an
email before the end of the year and leave the 2015 in 2015 or do I contact him
once I am in the UK in March and ask to meet him? I am not sure, if I am afraid
of contacting him because I know once I say what I want to say, it will be
finally over. Or, am I hopping for something more when I am in Europe and try
to see him. Hard to tell, my friends… The mind really plays some tricks on us.
And I know that I am my worst enemy.
I know I will sort it out. I know I will reach the clean
state of mind as soon as I am out of Vancouver. That I am sure about. I just
need to find the best way to walk the journey until the day of my return.
Thomas and I are much, much closer now. And he is the most amazing
person ever, but I think I need to release my thoughts relating to “Teddy” to
be able to reconnect with myself and then the ones around me.
I will keep you posted… Thank you for reading.
Tuesday, 8 December 2015
Touched
When we were together, in London, every time we made Love it
felt as if you were massaging my heart. Without knowing, you were able to reach
my deepest emotional level – that place where I conserve my essence, my soul.
* Post inspirado numa passagem de "Onde reside o Amor" - MRP.
Monday, 16 November 2015
Confessions...
From time-to-time, I wear your shirt. The one you gave me as part of my b-day gift.
I open my pandora box, the one who contains all your memorabilia. It still has you smell. The entire box smells like you. I close my eyes, and my heart melts, with your smell all over me.
I am done packing to mexico. We were supposed to go together, remember? I think this is why I need to sleep with your shirt tonight. To ease the pain... Hope it helps.
Today's tought...
What I wanted from you was a heartfelt apology. But instead,
I had to forgive you without any work from you to be able to move on. And, from
time to time it still makes me quite sad. It makes me sad that you were not man
enough, brave enough to not sticking your head in the sand. That you were not
adult enough to deal with the pain and face it, rather “dealing with it our own
way”.
And as much as I still love you that is very disappointing.
Very!
Friday, 13 November 2015
Happy Friday the 13th
Deste um significado diferente ás sextas-feiras 13.
Conhecemo-nos no dia 13 de Junho de 2014, uma sexta-feira
13. Rimos e dançamos até á exaustão.
Aquela “serious life plan conversation”, foi também ela no
chamado dia do azar, a 13 de Feveiro de 2015. E eu senti-me a miúda mais
sortuda do mundo quando acordarmos ver até onde é que isto ia.
Mesmo que as coisas, não tenham tomado o rumo que tanto
desejei (e secretamente ainda desejo) para nós os dois, continuo a serntir-me
muito agradecida port udo aquilo que passamos e dividimos.
Obrigada por teres
dado um novo significado ás sextas –feira 13.
Aquele beijo, e aquele abraço apertado com muita Saudade.
Happy Friday the 13th, my busy bee.
Wednesday, 4 November 2015
I am too...
I'm jealous of the rain
That falls upon your skin
It's closer than my hands have been
I'm jealous of the rain
I'm jealous of the wind
That ripples through your clothes
It's closer than your shadow
Oh, I'm jealous of the wind
That falls upon your skin
It's closer than my hands have been
I'm jealous of the rain
I'm jealous of the wind
That ripples through your clothes
It's closer than your shadow
Oh, I'm jealous of the wind
'Cause I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me
I'm jealous of the nights
That I don't spend with you
I'm wondering who you lay next to
Oh, I'm jealous of the nights
I'm jealous of the love
Love that was in here
Gone for someone else to share
Oh, I'm jealous of the love
That I don't spend with you
I'm wondering who you lay next to
Oh, I'm jealous of the nights
I'm jealous of the love
Love that was in here
Gone for someone else to share
Oh, I'm jealous of the love
'Cause I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me
As I sink in the sand
Watch you slip through my hands
Oh, as I die here another day, yeah
'Cause all I do is cry behind this smile
I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me
Watch you slip through my hands
Oh, as I die here another day, yeah
'Cause all I do is cry behind this smile
I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me
I-I-It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me
You're happy without me
Dreams...
Last night you invaded my dreams.
It was a cold foggy London day. I had recently moved to your city to live with my family and was walking around town. Close to Saint Paul's Cathedral. I got out of the tube, a bit lost as usual, and there you were with your leather jacket, your dress white shirt with black strips, just like on that day we walked through London. Our eyes found each other. I smiled. A very shy smile, and then I froze. I did not know what to do. My heart was insanely calm, as if this was supposed to happen. You called me. I continued frozen. You walked towards me, and wrapped your arms around me. My heart sunk. You were breading heavily. I was calm and happy to see you. I hadn't felt that happy in a very, very, very long time. I remember closing my eyes and feeling my heart beat synchronizing with yours. With my head in your chest, my hand in your heart I whispered: You are going to be fine. You smiled and kissed me. With you lips in my forehead, you whispered: Ana, I have missed you so much. Bliss, pure bliss. I swear I felt the touch of your lips, the smell of your skin, the touch of your hand. I caressed the back of your head. Oh, pure bliss again.This is what pure bliss tastes like.
I closed my eyes, and felt the heat from your body warming up mine. I could swear it was real. The joy, the happiness of that moment. I am sure this really happened, maybe in another reality, in another dimension, in another life. My heart tells me it happened.
If I was able to tell you how much I love you... maybe you would understand.
I am just thankful of last nights dream. Somehow, it made me feel a bit alive. Thank you.
It was a cold foggy London day. I had recently moved to your city to live with my family and was walking around town. Close to Saint Paul's Cathedral. I got out of the tube, a bit lost as usual, and there you were with your leather jacket, your dress white shirt with black strips, just like on that day we walked through London. Our eyes found each other. I smiled. A very shy smile, and then I froze. I did not know what to do. My heart was insanely calm, as if this was supposed to happen. You called me. I continued frozen. You walked towards me, and wrapped your arms around me. My heart sunk. You were breading heavily. I was calm and happy to see you. I hadn't felt that happy in a very, very, very long time. I remember closing my eyes and feeling my heart beat synchronizing with yours. With my head in your chest, my hand in your heart I whispered: You are going to be fine. You smiled and kissed me. With you lips in my forehead, you whispered: Ana, I have missed you so much. Bliss, pure bliss. I swear I felt the touch of your lips, the smell of your skin, the touch of your hand. I caressed the back of your head. Oh, pure bliss again.This is what pure bliss tastes like.
I closed my eyes, and felt the heat from your body warming up mine. I could swear it was real. The joy, the happiness of that moment. I am sure this really happened, maybe in another reality, in another dimension, in another life. My heart tells me it happened.
If I was able to tell you how much I love you... maybe you would understand.
I am just thankful of last nights dream. Somehow, it made me feel a bit alive. Thank you.
Friday, 23 October 2015
B-day!
É hoje o teu aniversário.
Welcome to my age box, Ursinho.
Tinha pensado em ir-te ver, de surpresa e passar este dia contigo. O ano passado a tua irmã fez-te uma festa surpresa. 3 bolos de aniversário. Enviei-te um monte de coisas no correio. Uma delas, aquela camisola que tens na foto que aqui publiquei. Um das embalagens bloqueo-vos a porta do apartamento e ninguém conseguia entrar. Lembro-me de tanta coisas. Era uma história tão bonita, a nossa. Ainda me pergunto porque teve que ser assim. Há dias que me canso de ser forte, mas a vida não me deixa.
Tenho uma saudade imensa. Hoje durmo com a tua t-shirt. Cheira tanto a ti e ao teu apartamemto em Londres.
Parabéns. Tem um óptimo dia. Celebra com estilo. Um beijo doce e um abraço apertado.
Foi amor, sabias? É amor. Ainda o é.
Até já.
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